Monday, 13 September 2010

Number 47: Lesbian Vampire Killers

_______(Insert Nob Gag Here)
'Come and sit on my lap, and I'll tell you the story of a year that taste forgot... The year was 2009, and promised celebrity stints at the O2, then subsequent (suspicious) deaths were all the rage. A rap metal band beat the system whilst (unsurprisingly) still being a part of it, a black guy became president (for lots of other reasons apart from the fact he's black) and a comedy duo called Horne and Corden made possibly one of the worst films of all time."

Synopsis: men (I think they're men) go hiking, meet women, women become lesbian vampires (geddit?), men get trapped, are saved in some way that I've forgotten and have no patience to look up. It's complete poohtah.

 Don't believe me about the sheer awfulness of this film? Watch the trailer below:


Boobies and bad jokes, BOOBIES AND BAD JOKES! What are we? Idiots that go to films for breasts, and lesbians? No. Well, maybe. But that's besides the point: it's an awful film. In one such obscene nugget: James Corden loses out on sex, goes into a bathroom (whilst their house is being invaded by vampires), says "When in Rome", and proceeds to have a wank in the basin.

Eurgh.

I didn't pay money to see a balding, obese man stroke his trouser snake. I find that offensive on so many different levels.

Another 'magical' moment of 'comedy' 'genius' comes from....

Wait, there are none.

Don't ever consider renting/ buying/ even pirating this piece of commercial detritus.

It's not worth it.


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