Saturday, 4 September 2010

Number 49: Pay it Forward

Haley Joel Osment: known for his roles in such films as AI, and____. 
Kevin Spacey. The Kev-man. Kev-meister. The man known for such great films as: The Usual Suspects, American Beauty and Bug's Life (?), decided that he would revitalise his career (that wasn't in need of revitalising) by playing a burn victim-school teacher alongside Helen Hunt, and Haley Joel Osment

Quick synopsis: kind hearted kid goes to school, meets burned teacher, learns about giving, picks up homeless guy (with un-hilarious consequences), helps drunk mama, sets up drunk mama with burned teacher, kid appears on news for thing he did previously (Pay it Forward Scheme, geddit?), gets stabbed by italian american kid.

Well, I explained that film in what 30 seconds? That will save you 2 hours of drawn out sequences in which Helen Hunt looks for booze in ridiculous places and the Space-man gives life lessons about why his agent sucks (or something like that) , all of which culminates in girl-faced Osment getting stabbed by a kid that looks about 7. Either way, the plot is ridiculous: the whole point in being a kid is to not care about anyone else besides yourself. Why would you waste your childhood setting up a scheme (that can never work) when you can egg peoples houses and eat obscene amounts of ice cream with equal effort? In all honesty, nobody seems to care in this film: everybody seems to be putting in half assed performances. Osment mumbles and whines through every line he is given, and Helen Hunt seems completely sober, even when she is supposed to be off her tits. And now we arrive at the Kev-dawg. A one word summarisation of his character: dull. Apart from his badass burns, he has no substance as a character. His fictional father burned him as a child, but he doesn't really express any emotion about the traumatic event.


 So, if you're part of an average American family that switches off their brains when they watch a picture, that likes a film not for a plot or message but for nice sounding words, then this is not the film for you. There are no nice sounding words.

And Jon Bon Jovi is the pinnacle of acting in this movie.


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