Friday, 3 September 2010

Number 50: School of Rock

I thought that I would start with a well known and loved film: School of Rock. Up until age 12 I believed that School of Rock was the be all and end all of classic films, but now as a sceptical, and depressingly sad 16 year old I have now realised how crap it really is. First of all the title: School of Rock. You may criticise me for being over analytical about a film aimed at a young audience, but come on: SCHOOL of  rock. School: a centre of rules and obedience, and Rock: a way of life, of freedom and no rules. Pretty much from the outset, our kids are being told to 'rock out' within certain parameters, set by film agencies. Gnarly. Now, for my second point: what school/headmistress on Earth would hire a cover teacher without looking at an employer profile? She never saw his face, she hired him on his voice alone! What is that about? Are kids really that naive that they think that they can just cruise into someone else's job by (badly) impersonating their voice. That's fucking fraud. You can be put away for a long time for a stupid stunt like that. Duuude. Finally, what is up with the Battle of the Bands? The band before were shit, but at least they didn't brownface Guns 'n' Roses, Led Zeppelin and AC/DC.

If I was one of the parents of the kids playing in the show, I would leave in disgust. If you're gonna play "Play from the fucking heart!"(courtesy of Bill Hicks.)

 If I was one of the judges, I would have disqualified their pre teen asses for pretty much dick slapping Angus Young.

If I was Jack Black, I wouldn't quit the day job (whatever it is he does.)

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