Friday, 1 October 2010

Number 45: Pirates of the Carribean - At Worlds End

It started funny, then got weird and then it got ridiculous. No this isn't R. Kelly's hilariously disturbing life (see: paedo turned man 'trapped in closet), this is the POTC franchise. Granted, like Shrek in the previous post, the first two films were good. Yet some greasy, grease-monkey decided that the key to the perfect sequel would be to take the annoying murkiness of the second film, and the jokes that were too highbrow for kids, and too low brow for adults from the first film to somehow (through man logic AKA defying the laws of anything) make a film that was extraordinary. It was extraordinary alright: extraordinarily shit.

It may just be my weird brain, but for some reason I seem to remember that at some points the film was so murky that the screen was virtually black. I also seem to remember that everyone was constantly shouting: what, did scurvy affect everbodys hearing as well? And what was going on with that Keith Richards cameo? He had no idea where he was and he just spoke like he normally does (which admittedly is quite pirate-like) and he had little relevance to the film apart from the fact that he's Keith Richards.

And that three-way battle? Is there supposed to be some underlying shit going on there? Setting kids up for the confusing and arousing virtues of being an adult, with added sea creatures? There ain't never gonna be a sea creature in your threesome (but I'm not discounting black pirates.)

So to sum up: R. Kelly is creepy and weird, but at least he isn't being marketed to kids.
"After the show is the after party! Oh, and can you send up
those 12 year olds so we can... um.... discuss my new 'album?'

Oh and POTC?

Mega-Turd Activate!


  1. maybe if u stopped peeing on little girls heads i would think about it